sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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