Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I came so hard my ears popped.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
