She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
