Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
