I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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