Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ugly people sure do ruin things
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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