The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
