As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
