Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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