Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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