Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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