And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
