You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
