No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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