Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
