Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
