um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
