I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
