nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
should my penis look like a turkey
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
