Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
