I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
