it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.