What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills