I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.