im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball