So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad