listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
