there was a trapeze. enough said
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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