I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
