Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
