If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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