I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
