I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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