How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
