Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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