Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
