he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
