We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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