its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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