If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
