; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
