Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
