I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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