she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
