great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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