Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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