Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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