One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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