And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
