Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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