is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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