just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
