Someone shit on the floor
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
