I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
