Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
