I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
