Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
