shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
and you said cock pushups were impossible
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So many bounce houses so little time
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
