Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
