I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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