He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
