did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
