i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
