What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
