I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
