i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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