that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
