Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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