I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
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Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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