good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
