STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
