why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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