Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
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My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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