so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
