I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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