My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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