Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
