I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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