Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
