kristin has been a bad kristin
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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