did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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