This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
