The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
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Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
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The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
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