you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
